Away She Went
by PerdHapleyfan
Summary: Ann takes care of April after finding her in the ER. Eventually, April opens up to her, but getting to know the real April Ludgate causes Ann to form an emotional attachment to her ex-boyfriend's new love interest that she never ever expected. Ann's point of view. Ann/April pairing.
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place during the summer between seasons 2 and 3 in a reality in which Chris Traeger never came to Pawnee, and April didn't take off to South America.

I love being a nurse. Every night dozens of people walk into the ER hurting and scared, and as a nurse I get the chance to fix that-to become part of their stories, to become a healing force in their lives. And, if I'm lucky, I get to see them walk away a little less broken then they were when they came in. That's why I do what I do. Patient care is my passion in life like benches, and swing sets, and hot dog carts is Leslie's.

There is a story behind every Emergency Room visit, and those stories are often tragic. I've seen the effects from any tragedy you could imagine over the years car wrecks to fires to gun shot wounds. And yet, I've never been as horrified by anything in my career, and probably my life, as I was by what happened last week. I never knew that another person's circumstances could cause me to hurt quite so deeply, and I wish I still didn't. I wish none of this ever happened. But it did, and I'll never be the same again. Neither will April.

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My shift went normal: paperwork, drawing blood, gathering patient information, taking blood pressure, more paperwork... The usual. It was the 4th of July so it was a pretty busy night, just like every holiday that causes people to get drunk and act like idiots (which is all of them). I was just about done for the night. All I had to do was finish the release paper work for Herb, a man who cracked his scull open attempting to jump into his pool from his roof. But, as I was looking over my work I overheard Carla and Jeanne talking about the "patient in room 2." I didn't think much about it at first, Jeanne is a huge gossip, and Carla, who's new here, seems to think every case we get is some kind of medical marvel. But, as I continued to overhear bits and pieces of what they were saying it seemed more and more serious.

"I could hear her screeching, and carrying on all the way down the hall" Jeanne said. "She was hysterical."

Carla shook her head. "I saw her when she came in. The poor thing looked scared out of her mind, like a deer in the headlights."

"I heard she threatened Lisa when she was taking her vitals."

"Maybe she needs a psych evaluation."

"Maybe. Poor thing. She's so young too. How old do you think, Carla like eighteen or nineteen? Barely out of high school. I just hate it when girls so young like that come in all battered.

"Someone smacked the hell out of her, that's for sure."

"They told her she could leave twenty minutes ago, but I think she's still in there. Should we tell someone?"

"No, leave her be. She'll get up when she's ready."

"Think it was her boyfriend who smacked her around?"

"I don't know, but I hope that little girl never has to see the bastard who did it again unless he's in shackles."

"You think it'll get that far?" Jeanne asked, failing to mask her excitement. "You think it'll be a big dramatic case? Make national news?"

"Why would it?" Carla shrugged. "That little girl ain't no one. What Lisa say her name is? Ludgate? I've never heard that name before."

"I'm sorry, did you just say Ludgate?" I said. The words spilled out of my mouth before I really had a chance to think. "Her first name isn't April, is it?"

"Yes" Jeanne said. "Why do you know her?"

"You said room 2?" I asked. "Yes" Carla said. "Are you going to see her?"

I walked away before she even finished the question. I had goose bumps everywhere, and I swear my heart was beating a mile a minute. April wasn't my patient. From a medical standpoint I couldn't justify barging right into her room, but something in me had to see her.

At that point she wasn't anything more to me than the girl Andy had a crush on. The girl who hated me for kissing him. The obnoxious teenager who liked to torture me. But for some reason I still had to know that she was okay. I needed it more than I had needed anything in a long time. I don't know what I was expecting when I opened that door, but it wasn't what I found.

She looked so much younger than I ever remembered her looking before. So much more vulnerable, curled in a ball on the bed, staring into the distance. She had no response to the door opening. She looked completely dead inside. Like if the world exploded around her, it wouldn't even register.

"April?" I asked softly.

Her breathing changed, like she was trying not to cry. I can't speak for her, but I imagine April doesn't like crying in front of people. It would show that she's human, and I don't think that's the way April wants the world to see her.

"It's alright" I said. "It's all over now. You can go home."

"No I can't" she said in a shaky whisper.

"Why can't you?" I asked inching closer, like someone approaching a wounded animal. I wanted to comfort her without scaring her, and I knew too much too fast would scare her.

"I don't want my parents to see me like this."

"Well, won't they wonder where you are if you don't come home?"

"Probably not. They never have before."

She sat up then, and I saw her face for the first time. She was a mess of Mascara, blood, and bruises. I was sort of angry at the other nurse for not cleaning her up better, but then again I don't know if April would have let them if they tried.

"You have nowhere to go?" I asked.

She shook her head, looking at the floor, at the wall, anywhere but my face. I wish she had looked there, she would have found compassion, and I think she needed that. "I don't even have clothes to change into" she shrugged. "They kept mine for like evidence or something. I guess. I don't know."

"I have an extra shirt and pair of jeans in my locker" I offered. "And you could crash at my place. If you wanted to I mean..."

I thought she'd say no. I really did. I thought getting April Ludgate to accept help from me would be a hell of a lot harder than simply offering it. I guess she really was desperate.

"You don't mind?" she asked.

"No. Not at all. My shift is over, I just have to clock out."

"I don't want to talk about what happened" she said.

"Then we won't."

"Okay" she said. "Thanks."

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	2. Chapter 2

April was careful to trail just a few feet behind me as she followed me up my driveway. She seemed so unsure of herself- like she was afraid of getting too close to me, but just as afraid of being too far away.

Once we finally got into the house, she just stayed near the door, with that same blank look on her face. "There are fresh towels in the closet in the bathroom" I said. "And, I think there's a t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants in there too if you wanted to take a shower."

She didn't respond. She just stood there staring at the door to the bathroom.

"You'll feel a lot better after a shower, and a few hours of sleep" I said. "All of this will still suck, but you'll be thinking clearer. Things will start to make a little more sense."

"Sense?" she scoffed.

"Sorry, maybe that wasn't the best choice of words. I just meant-"

"It's okay" she interrupted. "A shower actually sounds kind of nice."

"Good" I smiled. "I can change the sheets in the guestroom while you're in there."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's okay" I assured her. "I want to. Really. You go ahead. I'll wait for you."

She walked to the door and placed her hand on the knob, but quickly turned around and looked back at me. "Thank you" she said, her voice breaking. "I was so scared, and I didn't know what to do or who to call-"

"Of course" I said. "You're going to be okay now, April."  
_

April was in the shower for a long time. A very long time. Hours. I wanted to give her privacy, but I was seriously worried.

There were razors in my shower, and pills in my medicine cabinet, and she did seem really shaky, and why the hell wouldn't she be, but what if she was worse off than I realized? What if she was lying in my bathroom dying, as I stood in my living room, pacing around like an idiot instead of doing anything to help her?

I decided to knock on the door. "April?"

No response.

"April? It's me. I just wanted to make sure you're okay in there."

"I'm fine" she said, sounding anything but.

"Do you need help with anything?"

Silence.

"April, do you want me to come in?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yes. Yes. Come in."

I opened the door.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw she wasn't hurt. She was out of the shower, dressed in my sweatpants, and oversized t-shirt which looked even bigger on her. She was sitting on the floor, staring at the wall just like she was at the hospital.

"What are you doing?"

"Have you ever been to the grand canyon?" she asked. She still hadn't looked at me.

"No. Um, I've been to Niagara Falls."

"I don't know why, but I've just always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon. It's kind of stupid I guess, but it's not like I just sit around thinking about it all the time. Just when I see pictures and stuff. But, tonight when he was… when I thought that maybe I was going to…. All I could think was 'Oh shit, I still haven't been to the Grand Canyon, and now I won't get to.' I don't know why. It's kind of stupid."

"No" I said, sitting down on the floor a few feet away from her. "It's not stupid, April. Not at all." I never would have imagined that April would care about the Grand Canyon. I never would have imagined that April would care about anything.

"I guess I can go now" she laughed, but it wasn't a good laugh. It's was out of place somehow, like a cry in disguise.

"Maybe I'll go with you. We can bring Leslie, I bet she'd love it."

"Oh God" she scoffed. "I bet she'd make a special binder just to organize it."

"She'd probably color code it."

"Yeah" April said. "No thanks."

"Well" I sighed. "I set your room up. Are you ready?"

"No."

"Oh, I'm sorry" I said. "It looked like you were done in here."

"I am. I guess. I don't know."

"What is it?"

"It's stupid."

I move closer to her. I'm not sure why. It was like some kind of nursing instinct. Something in her voice made it seem like she was in pain, and I just moved closer. "I bet it isn't."

"It's just- If I keep sitting here it'll be okay. In here I can pretend it didn't happen. Out there I have to face it, and-"

"You don't know if you can?" I finished.

"No" she said. "I do know. I can't. I can't do this."

"You're stronger than you realize" I said. "We all are."

"Did you read that on a greeting card?"

"No, I-"

"Sorry. That was bitchy."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. You're trying to help. Sorry."

"It's okay" I repeated. I don't think April Ludgate has ever apologized in her life.

"I just can't get up yet. Not yet. I know you probably don't get it."

"No" I said. "I do. I get it."

"You can go to bed. I know you probably don't want to be sitting here."

"Actually, there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She gave me a skeptical look.

"I'd be worrying about you if I wasn't here with you" I explain.

"Why?" she scoffed. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know" I answered honestly. "But, I do. I really do."


	3. Chapter 3

I sat next to April on that bathroom floor for hours. Neither of us spoke. Once in a while she'd lose control and cry for a minute or two, but just as quickly as she broke down she'd pull herself together.

"You don't have to do that" I finally said. "If you feel like crying you should. Just, you know, get it all out."

"I hate crying" April sniffled. "But I guess I can't help it."

"I know" I said. "God, I can't even imagine what you're going through. How it feels. April, I'm so sorry."

"You mean, you didn't…" she, turned away and stared at the wall.

"What?" I asked

"It's never happened to you? It's just I read once that it happens to a lot of women. And you're being so nice to me, I thought maybe… never mind."

"April," I said softly. "I'm being nice to you because I care about you, and I can see you're in pain."

"But it's never happened to you."

"No" I said. "It's never happened to me. I've never been raped."

April cringed when I said the word. She tried to hide it, but it was obvious.

"There's been this tape loop in my head for the past few hours" she said. "Just get off the floor. Just get off the floor. Just get off the floor. Move on. Forget this ever happened."

"It doesn't work that way. You can't just rub some dirt on this, and carry on like nothing has changed."

"Yeah" she sighed. "You know, I wasn't even supposed to be here this week. I was supposed to go to South America with my parents. I only stayed home because stupid Derek asked me to go with him to his lame cousin's wedding."

"Derek? That guy you broke up with? The one who has a boyfriend?"

"Yeah" she shrugged. "They broke up I guess. I don't know. I don't really care."

"He's not the one who did this to you, is he?"

She glared at me. "I said I didn't want to talk about that."

"I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I told you we didn't have to talk about it, and I meant it. I want you to be able to trust me."

She nodded. "It wasn't Derek."

"Oh" I said. "That's good I guess."

"Derek doesn't even know what happened. Only you do."

"And I won't tell anyone" I assured her. "Unless you ask me too."

She scoffed. "I don't think that's going to happen."

"You know" I said, trying for a change for subject. "I have that 'movies on demand' thing with my cable package. I pay extra for it every month, but I've only used it like twice. I also have snacks: popcorn, pretzels, hot pockets..."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just giving you some alternatives to the bathroom floor. Not that I mind. We can sit here as long as you want."

"I don't even know what I want" she said, standing to her feet. "To be someone else I guess." She moved to the mirror and stared at her face. She gently touched a bruise on her cheek, and began to shake. Her eyes widened in horror. It was as if she suddenly remembered, all at once, exactly how she got that bruise. Exactly what happened to her.

"Hey" I said, moving slowly towards her.

She flinched violently, her eyes wild with terror. "I- I'm sorry" she said.

Tentatively, I put my hand on her back, testing how she would react. "April" I whispered. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Okay? Nothing." The next thing I knew she was falling into my arms. I could tell by the way her head fell on my chest how tired she was, how defeated. Sobs rocked her body. It was the single most tragic moment I'd ever been a part of, and all I wanted was to ease her pain. "Come on" I said into her hair. "Let's get you to bed. You're going to feel so much better after a full night's sleep."

"Maybe" she said, pulling away. "But maybe we could watch a movie first?"

"Um… okay. Sure" I said. "Were you thinking of anything in particular?"

"No. It doesn't matter."

"What about a romantic comedy?" I asked, hoping to get a laugh out of her. The notion of April Ludgate watching a romantic comedy was certainly laughable. But instead she just shrugged, as she twisted to the handle bathroom door.

"Fine."

"Hey, look at you" I said. "You're off the floor."

"Yeah. Thanks for sitting here with me like this. It was very… nice of you."

"I thought you hated nice people" I said with a smirk.

"I hate a lot of things, Ann but I don't hate you."

"Maybe not now."

"Not ever."

"Really?" I asked skeptically. "You never hated me?"

"No. I hate that Andy likes you more than me, but I don't hate you. I mean, who could blame him anyway? Who wouldn't choose you over me? Especially now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She pointed to the bruise. "You see this? They call this baggage."

"April, anyone worth having will love you just as much with baggage as without."

"Right" she said, with a roll of her eyes. "Let's just go watch that movie."

"Hey, I mean it. Something shitty happened to you, but it doesn't define who you are, it doesn't make you any less worthy of love."

I thought I noticed a blush creep across her cheeks, but I wasn't sure. She quickly turned her head away. "Thank you."

"You're welcome" I smiled. "Now let's go watch that movie."


	4. Chapter 4

"This movie sucks" April said, interrupting the hour long silence between us.

"It does not."

"Yes, it does. I hate Reese Witherspoon."

"How can you hate Reese Witherspoon? Literally everyone loves her. She's amazing."

"She's always smiling. What the hell is she so happy about anyway?"

"In this movie? I don't know, becoming a lawyer? Getting into Harvard? Falling in love with…"

"You really like this movie. Like seriously?"

"Yes. It's a classic."

She rolled her eyes. "This is not a classic."

"Okay, Roger Ebert. So what movies do you consider classics?"

"Of the top of my head? Hocus Pocus…"

"Hocus Pocus?"

"It's about these three witches. You know, the one with Bette Midler, and Sarah Jessica Parker."

"I've never seen it. But, I love Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex in the City is the best."

She rolled her eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"You're so lame" she said. For a moment I was kind of hurt. More hurt than I expected to be. It was hardly the first time April had insulted me, and in the past I let whatever she said roll off my back, but for some reason it stung a little. Then I looked closer and noticed she was smirking, almost laughing. She wasn't mocking me, she was teasing me. And, she was having fun doing it. April was somewhat happy, and I was the reason.

"So do you like any movies that aren't about witch craft?" I asked, smirking right back at her.

"Sure" she said. "But not Legally Blonde."

I tossed her the remote. "So, pick another movie. I don't have work tomorrow. We have all night."

"Alright," she said, clicking through the options. "Here, this one isn't awful."

"Wizard of Oz?" I asked. "You like the Wizard of Oz?"

"Doesn't everybody?"

"Yeah, I guess, but I don't know. It's so… colorful, and whimsical."

She shrugged. "I like the flying monkeys. And the munchkins are kind of cool too."

"Okay" I said. "Wizard of Oz it is, but you don't get to make fun of me if I cry during "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

She shrugged. "Alright. Fair enough."

At some point during the movie she fell asleep. I didn't notice until her head fell on my shoulder, but when I looked over I saw her face. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. I didn't want to stare when she was conscious, but I took the opportunity to scan the injuries on her body. "God" I sighed. "What happened to you?"  
I considered turning the TV off, and going upstairs to bed, but something about leaving her just felt wrong. So I leaned my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes too. I hadn't noticed how tired out everything had made me, but it only took me a minute or two to drift off. And then we were both asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

As I drifted into consciousness I heard a terrible noise in the distance: the panicked whimpering of a person in agony, followed by a scream that jolted me awake. April was next to me tossing, and turning, and gasping, and crying. Begging an entity that wasn't in our presence to stop hurting her, to have mercy, to just leave her alone.

I was afraid she'd fall off the couch, so I put my hands on her arms to still her. Instantly, she began to fight me. I knew in that moment, in her head, I was the one torturing her, and that made me sick.

She grabbed at my arms, scratching at them desperately, and begging me to let go of her. "April" I pleaded, fighting tears. "It's just me, it's Ann."

My words seemed to have no effect on her.

"April!" I shouted. "Wake up. It's just a dream. It's just a dream."

Her eyes flew open, and stared at me with terror in her eyes, scanning me as if she couldn't make sense of the situation she was in.

"Hey" I said. "Hey, hey, it's okay."

"Ann?"

"Yeah, it's me. It's Ann."

She moved away from me and sat up. "What the hell happened?" she sputtered through tears.

"You don't remember what happened? The E.R? Taking a shower here? Watching movies on my couch?"

"Oh God. Oh God" she said, burying her face in her hands. "I do. I do. I'm sorry. I just had a bad dream, and then I got so confused."

I put my hand on her, and rubbed small circles on her back "Shh, shh, It's okay."

"I'm so sorry."

"Hey" I said. "What did I tell you before, huh? You have nothing to be sorry for."

She turned around and looked at me, her battered face wet with tears. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah. Kind of. But, it's okay."

"Oh my God" she gasped. "Your arms! Did I do that?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Ann, I'm so sorry."

"Sweetie" I said, shocked at how naturally the word came out of my mouth because before that night "sweet" was the last word I'd ever use to describe April Ludgate. "Don't feel bad, please. You didn't know what you were doing."

"You're bleeding."

"It doesn't hurt. Really. I'm tougher than I look. Do you want to try to go back to sleep? I can give you something to help you."

She shook her head. "I don't think I can go back to sleep after that."

"Okay. That's fine. We'll stay up awhile. You fell asleep before the movie ended, you want to see the rest of it."

"No."

"Oh, okay, then what do you want to do?"

She ignored my question, and just sat there, staring at the scratches on my arm. "Do you believe in karma, Ann?"

"Maybe to a certain extent" I said. "Why? Where are you going with this?"

"I'm not a very nice person."

"No" I said, shaking my head. "No way. I'm not letting you go there. What happened to you wasn't because of anything you did, okay? It happened because of a very sick, angry, violent man. He is the only one to blame here. If you want to be pissed at someone, be pissed at him. This isn't your fault."

"I know it's over, but sometimes in my head it's like…." she trailed off.

"You know you're safe here, right? You're totally safe."

"Yeah" she nodded. "I know. I feel safe with you."

"Good."

"But I'm going to have to leave here eventually. Go back out into the world. See everyone's face when they see how beat up I am. Face my parents. And that feels-"

"Unsafe?"

She nodded.

"April, you can stay here as long as you want. You know that, right?"

"I just might take you up on that."

"Good." I said. "God, April you might be able to fool me into thinking you actually like me or something" I joked.

"I'm sorry about your arms" she said, gently grazing the pad of her finger over the torn skin. It stung a little, but somehow the moment was charged, kind of like that second before a guy kisses you when he brushes the hair away from your face. Her touch was so gentle, the look on her face was so sincere.

"I- I meant what I said before" I whispered. "It doesn't hurt, I don't want you to feel bad about it."

She nodded, and turned away from me, resting her head against the arm of the couch. "Ann?" she said, her voice breaking.

"Yeah?"

"I need you to tell me it isn't my fault again."

"It's not your fault" I said softly. "None of this is your fault, April. None of it."

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	6. Chapter 6

When I woke up the next morning April was gone. A white folded sheet of paper was sitting on the couch cushion in her place. Sitting up, I unfolded it on my lap, and read it under my breath.

"Ann, I don't think there's anything I could ever do to makeup last night up to you, but maybe that's okay because I know you didn't help me to get something back. You helped me because you're a good person- a much better person than me. I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I knew if you woke up and we started to talk again I wouldn't want to leave, and I have to. Anyway, I'll see you around."

I dropped the note on the floor, walked to my refrigerator, took out a carton of eggs, and found a bowl in my dishwasher. And then, as hard as I could, I slammed the egg against the side of the bowl, the shell falling apart in my hand. "God!" I screamed, throwing it down on the counter.

I stood there crying while images from last night flooded through my brain. The bruises on April arms and face, how scared she looked in the ER, how terrible her screams in the night sounded. "It's not fair" I whispered over and over. "It's not fair." And then I said something that surprised me. "I wish you didn't leave." Because I missed her- I actually _missed_ her, and I'd only been awake for a minute.

At least when she was in my house I could do something for her. I could help her. I could take her mind off of it with a stupid movie or cook her breakfast. Now I didn't know where she was or who she was with. I didn't know if she was scared or sad or even if she was safe.

In that moment I heard a beeping sound in the living room. It sounded like a ringtone, but it was unfamiliar to me. When I followed it I found an iPhone sitting on my coffee table. April's iPhone.

I reasoned that she might have been calling it from her home phone because she realized she left it behind, but if I'm honest I didn't really believe that at all. I wanted to see if whoever was calling might have been who attacked her. I wanted to see if she was in danger. I let it the call go to voicemail, and then listened to the message.

"April! Hey it's Andy. I know you're still pissed at me about what happened with Ann and that's why you haven't taken my last fifty calls, but if you could please please call me back I would be so happy because I really like you. So yeah. Bye."

"Well" I said to myself. "That definitely wasn't the guy." April would have probably liked to get that message. It was clear she liked him before the kiss at the hospital, and who wouldn't want a guy you liked pining away for you? I deleted it and set the phone down.

I was a horrible person.

But, I had an excuse to call April. I scrolled through the contacts on her cell and found one that read "Home" so I clicked it.

I could hear my heart beating in my ears as I sat there waiting ring after ring. After the seventh ring I was ready to hang up, but someone picked up.

"Hello" a female voice answered.

"Hello, Mrs. Ludgate?"

"Yes."

"Hi. This is Ann Perkins, I'm friends with your daughter, April. I was hoping I could speak with her?"

"I'm sorry, she's not here."

"Are you sure? Where'd she go?"

"She got in a little tiff with her father a few minutes ago and took off. I wouldn't worry about it. She does this all the time."

I choked back tears. April was alone. "Do you know where she might have gone?"

"I haven't the slightest idea. Listen dear, I just got back from a long trip so I'm going to go ahead and take a nap. Don't worry about my daughter I'm sure she's just fine."

And then she hung up.

"Frigid bitch" I said, reaching for my sneakers. She might not care where April went, but I sure did. I'd look all day if I had to.

But I didn't. Because when I opened my front door she was standing right in front of me. "Hi" she said, her voice shaking.

"April, thank God. Are you alright?" I asked stepping aside to let her in.

She shook her head, her eyes set on the floor.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head again.

"What about breakfast? Do you want breakfast?"

"Yeah" she said, walking to my kitchen. "Okay."

"Great. I can make pancakes or eggs."

"Looks like you already did" she said, pointing to the mess I'd made before. "What happened?"

"Oh that's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Alright" she said, and sat down at the table. "I'm sorry I took off."

"It's fine" I said, placing my hand on her arm. "I'm just glad you're here now. You can stay as long as you want."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I got out a new bowl and cracked two eggs into it. "You left your phone here."

"Oh. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's fine."

"They were pissed at me" she blurted out. "At least my dad was."

I dropped the bowl and pulled up a chair next to her. "What?" I asked.

"He said I should've been smarter. That I should've known better than to let myself get hurt like that. My mom just brushed it off like it was nothing. She said she didn't see what the big deal was since I'd already had sex so much. She basically called me a whore."

"April, I'm so sorry. I know that's not what you were expecting. They're probably in denial."

"No they're not" she scoffed. "It was exactly what I was expecting."

"But-"

"I thought I was ready for it. But then when it was happening I just kept thinking about you and how you were about it. How sweet you were, and how safe I felt and I just wanted to be here with you. I needed it."

"Well I meant what I said. You can stay here as long as you need. It gets lonely around here. I like having someone to cook breakfast for."

"Good" she nodded. "Because I'm starving."


	7. Chapter 7

As I cooked April's breakfast I stole a few glances at her. She was using her thumb and forefinger to play with a strand of her hair and staring out my kitchen window. I wondered what she was thinking. I almost asked her a few times, but decided against it. She deserved the privacy of her own mind. Besides, some thoughts are best left unspoken. I guess that's why I also didn't tell her how beautiful she looked with the morning light hitting her face.

When I was done, I set the glass of orange juice and plate of scrambled eggs in front of her at the table. "Here you go" I said softly.

"Thanks" she said, picking up the glass. Her gaze hadn't left the window.

"You alright?" I asked.

She nodded, then looked at me as if she could tell I knew she was lying. "I don't want to go back there" she said with a crack in her voice. "I don't want to see them again. I don't know where I'm going to go, but I can't stay with them anymore."

"I meant what I said, April. You can stay with me as long as you need." Without thinking I put my hand on top of hers. I repeated the words of a nursing professor in my head to make me feel better "physical touch can be comforting." Still, something about it felt different than mere comfort. If I were honest, I knew I wasn't touching her for her benefit alone.

She stared at my hand for the longest time. Too long. I was afraid she was going to storm out. Instead she looked me in the eye. "You're the nicest person I've ever known."

"Thank you" I said. I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Whatever" she smiled, gently pulling her hand away. I knew by then that was what April did when a moment got to emotional. She broke the tension by feigning apathy. But she did care. She cared about me, even if it wasn't the same way I was starting to care about her.

"All my shit is still at my parent's house" she said.

"I can get it for you" I offered.

"Ann, you've done too much…"

I waved her off. "Oh stop it. I don't mind. Really. When I'm gone you can pick our next movie."

"Our next movie?" she asked with a smirk.

"Well I'm certainly not going to pick a movie I like again so you can walk all over it."

"Okay" she said. "I'll pick the movie."

"Great."

"Ann?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I smiled. "You're welcome April."


	8. Chapter 8

Sitting in my car, waiting for the light to green I couldn't stop picturing April's face when I found her on my doorstep. She looked so broken, so defeated.

"_My dad said I should've been smarter. That I should've known better than to let myself get hurt like that. My mom just brushed it off like it was nothing. She basically called me a whore."_

How could they be so cruel to their own damn daughter? I wanted to scream at them. Both of them. I wanted to yell and shout and throw things until they got it into their thick, stupid skulls that this wasn't April's fault. That she needed them. How could they not give her that? How could they not love her as much as I did?

I had to knock about twenty times before Mrs. Ludgate finally came to the door, and when she did she looked annoyed with my existence. Like I was wasting away her precious time. "Hello?"

"Hi" I said coldly. "I'm Ann, we spoke on the phone."

She eyes me up and down, looking unimpressed. "Alright."

"I'm here to pick up April's things."

"Pick up her things?"

"Yeah" I said, passing her to walk through the front door. "Is her room upstairs?"

"She's living with _you_ now?" her mother scoffed.

"Until she can get back on her feet, yeah. She needs to be around people who support her so, you know, not you and your husband."

"Wow" she sayid with a chuckle. "I didn't realize Zhu Zhu was playing for the other team now."

"I'm sorry?"

"It's just- I always thought my daughter was normal that way. But, hey whatever. Her room _is _upstairs by the way. Last door on the left."

"You know what?" I said. "April deserves so much better than you." I wanted to slap her so badly my hand was shaking. I stuck it in my pocket so she wouldn't notice. God, I hated her. I hated her, I hated her, I hated her.

Their upstairs hallway carpet was this pristine white, the wall lined with pictures of April and her sister. They both looked so happy when they were young, but then then at some point the smiles just stopped.

I paused at a picture of April in high school. This was the April I was familiar with. Her defenses were up, her face hiding all emotion, but damn it she was still beautiful. You could see, in just one look, that she had so much brewing underneath the surface. I ran the pad of my finger across the glass of the frame. "You're going to be okay now" I promised her. "I'm not going to let you get hurt again."

I was interrupted by a noise down the hallway. A gasping almost followed by a sob. I followed it to the last door on the left. April's room. Her dad was sitting on her bed, his head buried in his hands.

"Mr. Ludgate?" I asked.

He lifted his head. "Who are you?"

"I'm April's friend, Ann."

"Oh" he says. "So you know what happened?"

I nod. "I'm here to get her stuff."

"What?"

"Her stuff. She's moving in with me."

"What?" he gasps. "No, tell her she doesn't have to do that."

"She knows she doesn't _have_ to. She wants to."

"Oh God, I messed this up so badly. I know it wasn't her fault. Of course not. I was just so angry I couldn't even see straight so I lashed out at her. It was the stupidest thing I could have done."

I couldn't disagree with him there, but I wished April could see what I was. Her father in pain, him admitting he was wrong. "You should talk to her" I said.

"Talk to her?" he scoffed. "I can't even look at her. She's all beat up, and… Oh, God. I was supposed to protect her. She's my baby girl. I let her down."

"Mr. Ludgate" I said, moving closer to him. "The rape wasn't your fault." He cringes when I say the "r" word. "But, the way you reacted to it was. That's the only thing you have to feel sorry for. Talking to April might not completely make up for it, but it's a start. Don't you think?"

He took a deep breath, and then stood to his feet. He completely brushed off everything I had said. "I'll give you some time to get her things together. Have a nice day."


	9. Chapter 9

When I got back to my place all the lights were turned off. "April?" I asked, setting her stuff down next to my front door. "April? Are you around?" From the bathroom I heard a whimper, and it was just… I don' know. It was just about the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever heard in my life. Before I knew what I was doing I was in there.

The lights were off in there too. She was cowering in the corner, her head buried under her arms. I hadn't seen her like that since I found her in the hospital.

"April" I said. "Hey, it's just me. It's Ann."

She didn't look up.

I moved closer to her. "April, everything's okay. I'm right here. I got your stuff from your parents' house."

Silence.

"April, hey. What's going on? You're kind of freaking me out"

"He was here" she said.

"What? What are you talking about?

"_He_ was here. At your house."

All of the color drained from my face. "You mean the man who… who hurt you?"

She nodded.

"Oh my God! Did you call the police?"

"No" she sniffled. "He left. Don't worry."

"Don't worry? How could I not worry? This guy is coming after you again, and he knows you're here."

She lifted her head, but still wouldn't look at me. "He won't come back."

"April, we need to call the police."

"No" she said. "It's okay."

"It isn't okay, April. I'm scared!"

She stood up then and walked over to me. Put her hand on my arm. Looked me dead in the eye. "Ann, I would never let him hurt you."

"April, I-"

"I mean it. I'd die before I'd let him hurt you like he hurt me. I'd _die_."

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't even thought to worry about myself. It was her I was thinking of. She was covered in bruises, and shaking she was so scared. And yet, she was willing to fight. For _me._

I kissed her.

It wasn't something I thought through very much, or at all really, but it felt so good when it was happening. I'd never kissed a girl before, and it was different. Softer. Her lips felt so nice against mine. Then I pulled away, and she had the most freaked out look on her face.

"Oh God, April I'm sorry."

She backed up. "What was that?"

"I didn't think."

"Ann, I'm not-"

"I know" I said. "I know. That was so, so stupid. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I promise that will never happen again."

She nodded. "Do you want to watch a movie now?"

"Yeah" I said. "Yeah, okay."

**Please Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

We sat there on my couch for a long time watching this stupid black and white horror film that was so badly made it was laughable. April picked it. It really seemed like the kind of thing she'd like, and even though I would never watch the movie of my own free will there was a strange comfort in just sitting there with her. I felt better just to hear her breathing, and know she was okay- that our kiss didn't send her running, that she was safe from whoever it was that came to my house and freaked her out; whoever it was that raped her. But I knew that the next time I left, or turned my back, she could be in danger again. I had to know more. If I was going to keep her safe I had to know more information.

I finally broke the silence. "Who hurt you, April?"

Her posture changed, and she began to nervously bite at a hangnail on her thumb. But she didn't answer.

I put my hand on her arm. "It's okay, you can tell me."

She shook her head. "You wouldn't believe me."

"What?" I scoff. "Of course I would."

She shakes her head. "You say that, but…I just can't Ann. I can't."

"Okay" I said. It hurt that she couldn't trust me, but I didn't want to push her. "We could call the police, and you could just tell them-"

"No!" she snapped. "I can't do that, so just drop it, Ann. Okay?"

"No. It's not okay, April. What if it's worse next time? What if he kills you?"

"That… he wouldn't do that."

"He raped you."

"I _know_" she said through gritted teeth.

"He knows where you are and he came here today just to hassle you."

She looked away, and rubbed her hands together nervously. "That isn't why he came here."

"Then why the hell was he here?"

"For you" she said, her voice breaking. "He was here to talk to you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. He didn't even know I was here."

"But why the hell would he…." It all clicked then. Why she didn't think I'd believe her. Why he was at my house. "Oh my God, it's someone I know."

She didn't respond, but her lack of denial said it all.

"April" I said. "I have to know."

"I meant what I said. I won't let him hurt you. Ann, I _swear_."

"And what if he hurts you again? Or some other innocent girl?"

"That isn't fair!" she yelled.

"No, it isn't" I said. "But, it's reality."

"You're just mad because I didn't want to make out with you!"

"April that's not-"

"Whatever, I'm going to bed" she said, getting up off the couch and storming away.

"April!"

She turned around quickly, her eyes wide with anger. "What!?"

"Don't shut me out. Please. I know you're scared, but I just want to help you."

"Goodnight Ann" she said coldly, and disappeared into the hallway.


	11. Chapter 11

I didn't move. I sat there frozen, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Before all of this I thought April Ludgate was pissy and rude, but I know better now. It's all a front. She's sensitive, and she feels things deeply, but she doesn't like to show it. She just completely lost her shit on me, but I don't think it was out of anger, I think it was fear. She's terrified of that man. Terrified he'll hurt her, terrified he'll hurt me, terrified I'll choose him over her.

But, who the hell could it be? I hate to put every man I know on trial in my head, but I can't help it.

Ben Wyatt? I really couldn't imagine that.

Tom Haverford? He could be a little sleazy, but I really don't think he's capable of rape. And even if he were…I think April could take him.

Ron Swanson? He was abrasive, but he was a good guy. And, I always felt to me that April was like a daughter to him.

Chris Traeger? He wouldn't hurt a fly. Literally. I once watched him cry for an hour after accidentally stepping on a lady bug.

Andy Dwyer? No. No, he couldn't- He's been obsessed with her since they kissed. He's been calling her constantly.

I hear a wrap on the door. I look through the peephole, and sure enough it's him.

I swing the door open.

"Andy, it's nine o' clock."

"Hey Ann! Thanks for, um telling me that. I was hoping I could talk to you."

I sighed. "About what?"

"April."

"Andy, this isn't a good time."

"Look, if you could just talk to her, and tell her that our kiss meant nothing she might believe you and then want me again."

"Andy-"

"Because she won't even talk to me, and I just want to say sorry."

"Andy-"

"I really, really hurt her, and-"

"Andy!" I yell, finally silencing him. "Did you come here earlier?"

"What?"

"Were you here earlier at my house?"

I hear a shaky, female voice behind me. "Ann-"

I turn around "April, it's okay. You can go back to bed."

Andy's face lights up. "April's _here_?"

He didn't know. That's good. "Andy, look-"

He ran past me and over to her. She looked horrified.

"Oh my God!" he gasped. "What happened?"

"Nothing" she said nervously, looking down at her toes. "I'm okay."

"Were you in an accident or something-"

"Andy, April needs some space right now-"

"Or, like, did you fall?"

She sniffled. "No, that isn't what happened."

"Oh God" he said. "Did someone do this to you?"

She nodded her head, breaking down. I wanted to take her in my arms, and tell her everything was going to be alright, but Andy ran right past me and beat me to it. She flinched at his touch, but I don't think he noticed.

"It's going to be okay" he whispered. "I'm here now." She looked up, and shot me a panicked glance.

"Andy, April is really tired."

He cleared his throat. "Right, um, I'll be back tomorrow. Morning. First thing."

"Andy-"

"Neither of you ladies have anything to worry about, we'll catch the culprit. April, if you need anything call me. Please."

He left.

"Um…" she said. "I didn't know Andy was here."

"Yeah, he just came here to ask me something."

"Right" she nodded. "I came out to apologize to you."

"It's okay."

"No, I shouldn't have talked to you like that."

"Hey, I get it. I just need you to understand something."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to believe you. Whatever the truth is however horrible it might be…"

"It is" she said shakily. "It's horrible."

"I know" I said, putting my hand on her arm.

We were interrupted by a phone chime.

"I think that's you" I said to her.

She nodded, walked to the coffee table and picked up, but when she saw the number on the screen she dropped it.

"What is it?" I asked, moving closer to her.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Can we please just drop it? Please? _Please_?"

I looked down. It wasn't her phone, it was mine. "It's him?" I asked.

She nodded.

I reached down and picked it up. Closed my eyes tightly. Took a deep breath. There in black and white it was blinking on my phone screen. "One missed call. Mark Brendanawicz ."


	12. Chapter 12

"Don't answer that!" April said, her voice breaking. "Please, please don't answer that."

The phone fell from my hand to the floor. "I-I won't." I was shocked I could speak at all. The room was spinning around me. It was Mark who did this. Mark. Mark who I had been with for months, slept in the same bed with, and the whole time he was capable of being such a monster. He hurt April. I guess I never really knew him at all.

"Ann-" she sobbed. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way. I didn't want you to find out at all."

I chocked back bile in my throat. "Um, how… How did this happen?"

She looked me in the eye, and gave me the most pitiful look. "I can't. I can't talk about Ann. I'm sorry."

She moved to the corner of my living room, and slid down to the floor. "I can't do it" she said. "I can't." She was pressed against the wall like a caged animal. I hadn't seen her in such a bad state since the hospital when I found her bloodied and bruised. God, I wanted to hold her. That was all I wanted.

"Hey-" I said softly, moving toward her. "Hey, it's just me. I want to help you. That's all I've wanted this whole time, you know that."

"Oh Ann" she sobbed. "You can't… you can't talk to him. You can't see him. He'll hurt you. You have to promise me!"

"Okay" I said. "I promise. Trust me; I never want to lay eyes on him for the rest of my life."

She looked at me. "So… you believe me?"

"Of course I believe you" I scoffed. "I told you I would."

"Oh God, Ann" she sobbed. "It was so horrible."

"I know, baby" I said, stroking her hair.

"I thought he was going to kill me."

"But he didn't" I said. "He didn't. You're right here. You survived. You're safe now. I'll keep you safe."

She nodded.

"But it would really just help me if you told me the whole story. I'll believe it all, I promise. And I'll be here with you the whole time. We can do this together. You and me."

She took a deep breath, brushed the tears away from her face. "Alright" she said. "You and me."

"We can take it slow" I said. "Just one step at a time."

"Right" she said. "I can do it."

"You can" I smiled.

"So…I was at a wedding."

"The one you went to with Derek?"

"Yeah, he was fighting with his boyfriend so he asked me if I wanted to go. I swear it was just like old times. We just acted young and stupid, and I forgot all about being upset with Andy. Just like that…But then Derek's boyfriend showed up at the reception with flowers, and it was all like some stupid grand romantic gesture. They took off together, and they just left me there alone with a bunch of people I didn't even know."

"That sucks" I said.

She nodded, staring off into the distance. "Except there was someone there I knew."

I cringed. "Mark?"

She nodded. "I guess he knew the bride from high school, but he was at the bar getting sloshed. And, I was pissed off and bored so I joined him."

I exhaled. "Then what?"

"He started talking about you. How much he missed you, and blah, blah, blah. He asked what you were up to and I told him about you and Andy kissing. I don't know why I said it, it just came out…"

"It's okay" I said. "I don't care. Just keep going, you're doing so good."

"Well he got pissed. Like really pissed. And we just kept drinking. Finally, everything was settling down so he said he'd call me a cab. When it showed up he got in with me. He said he just wanted to make sure I got home safe. Then I blacked out. Next thing I know we were in his apartment. Screwing."

"While you were unconscious?"

"Yeah" she said. "Well, when I woke up I started screaming, and trying to push me off him, and he grabbed my neck and just squeezed it so tight, and I couldn't breathe, and he just kept screaming at me, calling me names…"

I couldn't take anymore. The pictures I had in my head were so horrendous and sickening and I just wanted to kill him. But, more than that I wanted her to be okay. "Oh God, April" I cried, holding her in my arms. "How could he have done that? How could anyone ever want to hurt you?"

"Because not everyone is as good as you, Ann" she said. "Actually, no one is."

I looked her in the eye. Her big, deep, dark brown eyes I could get lost in forever. "We can go to the police in the morning. You can tell them what you just told me. I'll hold your hand the whole time."

"No" she said. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because then I can't protect you. I can't make sure he stays away. He said he'd stay away if I didn't tell."

"Honey, if you do tell he'll be in jail. He can't hurt us there."

"Trials take a long time Ann, which means he'll be free for a long time before he gets sentenced if he can get bail or whatever."

"He needs to pay" I said. "He needs to pay for what he did to you. I don't want you to protect me. Not like this."

"Don't you get it?" she yelled, standing to her feet. "Ann, if I lost you… I couldn't take it! I couldn't handle any of this. You are the only reason I'm okay. No one has ever been this nice to me, no one has ever cared this much. When I'm with you I just feel…"

"What?" I asked. "What do you feel?"

"Loved" she said.

I nodded. "That's probably because I love you."

She smiled a sad smile. "I've never had that before."

"Well now you do."

"I'm so terrified of losing it" she cried.

"My love?" I asked. "You won't. Not ever."

"But if Mark-"

"Mark isn't going to hurt me April, I swear. He won't hurt either of us, not again. We'll get a restraining order, hell we can both move if we have to-"

"Together?" she asked in a small voice.

"If that's what you want" I said, my face heating up, and my heart beating out of my chest. "I- I'd love that."

"We could get a house" she said. "With a white picket fence, and shutters, and an old-fashioned porch swing, and all that other stupid shit that used to mean nothing to me… and it'll just be us."

"April" I said, barely containing the huge grin that was threatening to spread across my face. "Are you saying you want to be with me? Like be a couple?"

She didn't answer me. "Remember when you kissed me?"

"Yeah" I said. "You didn't like it."

"That wasn't it" she said. "I was… I was scared."

"Of me?" I asked.

"No. Of me. Of wanting you. Of being with a woman. Of being with anyone after what happened. But now I keep thinking about the rush it gave me, Ann. It's all I think about."

"Me too" I said. "I mean… you. You're all I ever think about."

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah" I said, moving closer. "I didn't think you wanted to be with me, though."

"I don't know much about anything right now" she said. "But the one thing I know for sure is that I want you. I want you so bad, Ann."

"Oh my God" I laughed. "I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening!"

"It's going to be awhile before I can let anyone touch me like…that" she added cautiously.

"Of course" I said. "Hey, we can take this slow. We can take it super slow. One step at a time. For now let's go to bed. In the morning we can go to the police station."

"But, if we have to… if it really comes down to it are you really willing to leave Pawnee with me?" she asked. "Leave Leslie, and Andy, and everyone else?"

"I love Leslie" I said. "And I was always keep in touch with her, but you are all I need to be happy, April. If I have you and we're safe then that's all I need. Though that porch swing does sound pretty nice."

"Okay" she said. "Then we can go to the station in the morning."

"That's great" I said. "April, I'm so proud of you."

"That means a lot to me" she said. "It does. Really, but..."

"But what?" I asked."

"But I'm just wondering for tonight… where am I, like, sleeping?"

My throat went dry. "Do you want to sleep with me?"

She nodded, biting her lip. It was the hottest freaking thing I'd ever seen in my life.

"But you said…"

"I said I can't be touched like that" she said, running the pad of her finger across my collar bone. "But that doesn't mean I can't touch you, make you feel good…"

"Are you going to be okay with that, April? If this is too hard for you-"

"Telling you what happened- reliving it, and seeing your face; worrying about if you'd side with Mark… that was the hard part. This is the fun part."

"Well, I meant what I said. I can wait."

"Well I can't" she smiled. "I've waited long enough."

"Well okay then" I whispered. "Let's go to bed."


	13. Chapter 13

I stared at the pale expanse of April's back, trying hard to resist the urge to place my hand on its center. To connect with her. To feel the heat of her skin against mine. But I didn't. I wasn't sure how she would react to my touch after what had just happened. "I'm so sorry" she said, her voice muffled by her hands over her face, and the black curtain of hair that fell around her. "I thought I could, I thought…"

"April, it's okay. We just moved a little too fast, that's all. Let's just take a few steps back and then we can…"

"I hate this!" she groaned, standing to her feet. The sheet pooled around her feet and I could see entire body. Exposed. Her legs were black and blue. When she saw me looking, she quickly picked the sheet up and wrapped it around herself again. How could I ever think that she was ready for this? "You must think I'm such an idiot" she sniffled. "I mean one minute I say I want us to…. And then I just freeze."

"April, it's okay. Really. I mean it. The fact that you want to be with me, that's enough for me. Sex can wait."

"I just wanted something good to happen for once, you know? I've felt so awful since this happened. Angry, and scared, and embarrassed, and then you wanted me. And it felt good. Like, really good. And I thought maybe I could forget everything for a few minutes if I just let myself get lost in it. In you."

"I know."

"But then I just felt all hot, and I couldn't breathe."

"Honey, you don't need to explain yourself. You're not ready. It's okay."

She looked past me, to the headboard of the bed, and sniffled away tears. "I don't want to lose you."

"Hey," I said, getting up and placing my hand on her arm. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere. Why don't we get dressed, and then we can just lay here, or watch a movie, whatever you want."

She looked down at her bare feet. "I don't know how I'm going to do it tomorrow. Go to the police station, and report him, and…."

"Let's just take this one step at a time. For tonight, we're okay, we're safe, we're together. Me and you."

She smiled. "Okay, yeah. Me and you."

"Everything is going to be alright April, I swear to God."

"Ann?" she asked, her voice shaky; vulnerable.

"Yeah?"

"You know how they say 'everything happens for a reason' and shit like that."

"Yeah."

"Do you think maybe… I don't know…. We were always supposed to be together. Do you think that's why this happened?"

"I don't know" I said. "I'm so happy we are, but I wish it could have happened any other way."

"Yeah" she sighed. "Me too." She chewed on a hangnail on her thumb. "Tomorrow's gonna suck."

I nodded. "But things will get better. They will. This will all settle down. I promise."

"I hope you're right" she said. "I'm not sure how much more I could take."


End file.
